What do you really want?

Let's break Phase 2 into five steps. The first step is to engage in a brain dump of all your desires, free from the constraints of structure or framing. Spend a few minutes reflecting, meditating, and asking yourself the question: what is it that I want? The response could be as high-level as "happiness" or as specific as "I want to make $75,000 a year." The goal is to unleash a stream of consciousness and give yourself about 30 minutes to do so. You may be surprised at what surfaces, as much of it may have been internalized. Verbalize and document everything that comes to mind.

Once you've reached a point where you can't think of anything new, it's time to move on to step 2. Here, you'll look for patterns in your list of desires. Reading through it can be a vulnerable process, as it may contain things you're not comfortable sharing. But that's precisely the point: to identify things you may not have been actively thinking about. Categorize and find patterns in your list. For instance, you may find that you desire a certain level of energy or the maintenance of a social net. Ensure that your groupings and categories maintain the format of "I want x."

The next step is to go line by line and add bullet points answering the question: why do I want this? Take the example of wanting to maintain a high level of energy. Why do you want this? Is it because you want to accomplish more in a day or think more quickly? Answering this question in bullet points allows you to dig deeper and discover the underlying desires behind your initial list. These answers should also take the form of "I want x."

In step four, you'll create a new list of wants, only using the sub-bullet points you created in step 3. By grouping desires with commonalities, you'll create a smaller, higher-level set of desires that reflect your true motivations. Remember to frame each of these desires as "I want x."

Continue following steps 2 - 4 using this recursive approach until only 1 - 4 core itesm remain. These are your “Core Desires”.

Following these five steps in Phase 2 will provide you with a better understanding of what you truly desire and why. By documenting these desires, categorizing them, and identifying patterns, you'll gain insight into your underlying motivations and desires.

Postmortem

If you've completed phase 2, congratulations! That's the hardest part, and also the most crucial, in my opinion. Once you've got a crystal clear understanding of your core desires, the how-to part becomes less important. Your desires will be at the forefront of your mind, driving you to make decisions that propel you towards your goals, even if you're not consciously aware of it.

Identifying your core desires is no walk in the park. It requires a lot of soul-searching and deep introspection, and it's a scary process. You might uncover some uncomfortable truths about yourself, and realize that the reasons you want certain things are different from what you originally thought. That's why this is the crux of the process.

Once you've figured out your core desires, the rest becomes much easier. You'll be able to ask yourself on a regular basis whether there's a different way to achieve your goals, and you'll find that your desires will change less frequently than the methods you use to achieve them. That's why it's essential to take the time to identify your core desires and be ruthless with yourself in the process.

Breaking the process down into phases is a smart move because it's human nature to resist change. We're wired to stick to the path we're already on, even if it's not taking us where we want to go. Our brains and bodies balk at the uncertainty of trying something new, but sometimes that's exactly what we need to do. We need to be comfortable with the idea of sunk costs and be willing to completely overhaul our lives if that's what it takes to reach our higher-level goals.

Of course, to do that, we need to know what those higher-level goals are in the first place. Without a clear understanding of our core desires, we'll be lost, adrift, and unable to chart a course for ourselves. But once we've got that part sorted out, we can evaluate our options more objectively and make smarter decisions.

The world is constantly changing, and we're always learning new things. That means that the how-to part is going to be in flux, but that's okay. As long as we know what we want, we'll be able to adapt and pivot as needed. And having a clear understanding of our core desires means that we'll be able to ask for help more effectively, too.

So take the time to figure out your core desires, be willing to embrace change, and keep your eyes on the prize. That's how you'll reach your goals and live the life you've always wanted. Let's get to phase 3!